What Would Crap Look Like If It Took Steroids?

Who hasn't asked that question at some point in his or her life?

Well the answer is it would look like American Gladiators hosted by Hulk Hogan.

I went to the gym to run on a treadmill for the third day in a row, due to yet another cold snap here in Minnesota. In years past I would have just run outside, but I have developed some spots on my face that are frostbite prone, so running in the cold is to be avoided.

So today as i was running the television in front of me was showing American Gladiators. "This should make the next half hour go by fast," I thought to myself. It actually made the half hour feel like an hour. I was stuck watching the freaking NFL Pro Bowl nd a Lakers/Heat basketball game yesterday. Both, I thought were unwatchable. However, I'd take either one of those games over the new American Gladiators.

So far the best shows for treadmill running in my book are Wheel of Fortune and Law and Order. Both require only half your attention but are interesting.

Who Ordered So Many Damn Spoons? Who Do I Have To Talk To Around Here So I Can Get A Knife?

Irony:Sitting in front of the TV, watching 90 minutes of The Biggest Loser season finale, while mindlessly eating mediocre chocolate snowmen that some kid gave to me at work today as a Christmas gift. I would have been eating some caramel popcorn that had clumps of chocolate in it (another gift from a different kid), but Emily didn't bring those to me because the popcorn "had too many wrappers around it," and would therefore be too much of a pain in the ass for us to open. I like the way Emily thinks.

Conversation with Emily #6567

This evening in our den...

Me: What are you watching?

Emily: Oh some reality show about a guy who has to choose between dating some 40 year old girls and some 20 year old girls.

Me: Seems like a no-brainer.

Emily: (ignores me) It might be so bad that it will be good. But you won't like it. You'll just make fun of it.

Me: I don't need to watch it to make fun of it do I?

Emily: {no response--crickets chirp}

Editor's Note: This is not the first time Emily has told me she was watching a reality TV show that I was not welcome to watch. I guess I am too judgmental and take all the fun out of watching the show. But I would like to add that each time this occurs, the show's premise is exponentially more absurd than the one before it.